Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Come What May & Love It

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much" -Mother Teresa

That's about how I've been feeling lately. I won't go into details, but let's just say I'm stressed and worried about everything. I have this problem about always looking in the past, trying to fix things that have already passed and that I have no control of.

On top of all that, I feel so unprepared. I want to be exactly the kind of mom my mom is, and what if I can't do that? I'm so immature still and just not ready at all.

Sonia had this on her Facebook a while ago.
It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Do your best, and leave the rest to him.
How fantastic and beautiful that is.

So let's try his advice.
1. Learn to Laugh

I really do have lots to laugh about in my life.
I guess I need to remember all these wonderful things at times when everything seems horrible and wrong. It's easy to forget the happy things sometimes.

The last time it snowed lots, not this weekend, but the time before that, Tyler and I made sure to shovel our little piece of walk we're required to shovel at the house. When I say Tyler and I, I mean Tyler. I don't shovel the walks. Too cold. The next day, we walk outside and there's this huge pile of snow in the middle of our sidewalk.

That picture doesn't do it justice. I took this picture probably three days later after it'd been warm out and melted down to a third of the size. Our landlords had shoveled their sidewalk and decided to pile it all on our little sidewalk. What?!? I think they want us gone. They even sent us another note under the door telling us we could leave if we wanted without any penalty since there's only one room and probably not enough room for a baby. Find us another place with cheap rent, and we'll leave, I promise.

2. Seek for the Eternal.
Elder Wirthlin said sometimes it's hard to look outside of the time of trouble and to realize that it will pass. I am always always always asking why me. What did I do to deserve all this. Why me. Why me.
But we need to remember that in the scheme of things, this is only a tiny time of eternity. It's going to pass, and everything we're going through will make us stronger and hopefully a better person.

3. Understand the Principle of Compensation.
The Lord compensates for every loss.
Every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.

4. Trust the Lord.
I need to trust that if I just do my very best, everything will work out.
To be as great as my mom is a huge expectation. She's honestly the best. I may not end up exactly like her, but I need to trust that I will be fine. Baby girl's going to love me as long as I do my best. The Lord will help me. He's always there!

30 weeks! It's coming up fast. It amazes me that I'm going to have a little family in less than 10 weeks. I couldn't be more excited. After all my stressing and worrying, I realize that this baby has already made me so happy. Even after she's made it feel like I've been sleeping in the splits all night because I'm so sore, I love love love that she's part of my life. She's going to be an amazing addition to our little Seaborn family.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Lazy Bones

I feel like Christmas holidays have just ended for me. For the past 2 months I've been sleeping in way too long and staying up way too late. I haven't done much more than shower and eat, sometimes not even leaving my house during the day. Horrible, I know. But I'm milking this whole pregnancy thing for all it's worth because I know in 12 weeks I'm most likely going to be up all night with baby girl. 12 weeks!!! Blows my mind.

I worked for the first time since December today, and I had to be there for a whole 45 minutes. Yes, I know. I have such a difficult life. I just applied for another job where I'll be able to work from home. Fingers crossed. I've been so nervous I could die. It will be the perfect job because I can stay with baby girl, and I just want it so bad!

Remember this guy?

Handsome, isn't he? He's my training, I think, for all the kids I'll have one day. He's very much still a kid at heart. Good thing I love him. The other day we got into a little argument. This is a little bit of how it went:

Tyler: Blah, blah, blah (I can't remember what he said, but guaranteed he didn't even say anything mean whatsoever. )
Me: Something along the lines of "You don't even care about me and my feelings." (Baby girl's making me a little bit sensitive)
Tyler: "Control your hormones."
Me: Got all silent and was probably about to cry.
Tyler: "Well shit."

And then we laugh and everything is just fine and dandy, sort of.
Turns out Ty may have been talking a little too loud. About 2 minutes later we get a note slipped under our door. It says something about quiet hours being between 8:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m., and that they would appreciate us being more quiet and not swearing because they don't want their kid hearing words like that.

Oops. I was so embarrassed! Needles to say, I try to avoid our landlords now. They really are the nicest people, and it's completely understandable, but I'm just embarrassed. Ugh. Tyler probably won't hear the end of it from me until we move and get our own house. I'm sure he fully regrets it?

Time is a funny thing for me since I've been pregnant. It seems to fly by and creep along all at the same time. I want May 4th to come more than I've wanted anything, and then I think of birth and change my mind. I just want to skip that part. I like to avoid pain.

Here I am at 28 weeks! 84 days to go.